I almost asked for kyosaku today - to be hitten with the not-so-proverbial zen stick (at least the sound it makes in the zendô is a very real one). In the end I didn't, but maybe I should have... My zazen was the worst ever. Every time I managed to silence the voices inside my head (yes, I do have them, don't you? Try meditation and I promise that you'll find them) my eyes wanted to shut down and fall asleep, and each time I corrected my posture to wake myself up the guys talking in my head woke up too. I feel I fidgeted around so much that I seriously admire the zazen skills and calmness of the calligraphy lady (who everyone calls something like Kis-san, which could be Kishi-san. Or then not, hard to know with japanese names) who was sitting next to me - at some point I felt that SHE should be the one allowed to call the kyosaku on me.

When my alarm started ringing at 4.45 my first thought was to skip the whole thing and wake early (but later) to do homework. The next one was on the lines of "but you're already awake, and if you now try going back to sleep and sleep 2hrs you'll be just pissed off and you'll do no homework anyways". So, I got up and dragged myself to the temple. And it did pay off, kind of. I found out that one of the men who come for morning zazen but usually don't stay for drinks on wednesday studies Pali in Komazawa Daigaku (Komadai), the university of sôtô zen where I'm planning to enter in a few years. He graduated from Waseda, worked 20 years as a salariiman, and then entered the graduate school of Komadai, where he's now studying. Maybe he could show me the place sometime... *g* Another payoff was that we had been talking about Kabuki last wednesday, and I mentioned that I'd like to go and see it since it's one of the forms of japanese theater I haven't seen yet. So, japanese being what they are (meaning totally kind and helpful) Maru-san told me that his wife had proposed to take me see some kabuki, if I'd still be interested. I mean, what kind of question is that?! Of course I am! :) It's always nicer to go and see something for the first time with someone who actually knows something about it. So, I told him my mondays and wednesdays are all free, yoroshiku onegaishimasu. いつも、いろいろお世話に...

The prostrations and the morning meal seemed to go more smoothly now that I knew what to expect (and I'm already a pro in the field toilet scrubbing), but even so I ended up having to slurp my kayu (rice gruel) in a hurry because everyone else was already done. I think the morning meal takes about 20 min, because it's more or less the time my legs take to fall asleep while sitting in seiza. The kayu is very hot when served, and as I don't have the ability to drink boiling water like the japanese do (maybe my zazen isn't yet strong enough to have magical abilities like that), I have to start eating really slow, and then slurp it down quickly after the seconds have been offered and it has cooled down to an eatable level. And just as I start wondering whether my legs have died for good or can I still get them to function, the meal is over and up we stand. I officially offer thanks to my budo training which makes it possible to revive my legs from total numbness to full usability in a matter of seconds. Or at least makes it possible to stand, walk and climb stairs, even though it feels that I'm walking on small needles.

The downside of my budo training is that I was told that my shodan shinsa (examination for the first grade black belt) will be held on June 14. That gives me only 3 more times to practise, plus the day when the shinsa will be held. The thing that kind of makes me wonder is that I haven't almost any shoden from seiza in ... 3 months now. In every practise I'm told to work on my tôhô, with both sensei (and last time also Satô-san was assigned to teach me) watching me, correcting me and telling me how to do it. It leaves me no time to actually work on the things they are teaching me, since every 10 minutes there's something new that I should concentrate on, and I can keep only so many things in my head at a time. I get the feeling that it's the same as why getting hit and shouted at are a part of zen: they're just trying to break me down and see how well I can keep my act together. If all this doesn't either scare me away or give me a total breakdown making me a drooling nutcase (not drooling yet, though I've already heard some comments on my mental health...), and I still have enough courage to present myself at the shinsa, no matter what, I'll be taken as someone who is serious about iai and I'll get the shodan (if I can show some waza at the shinsa it's a bonus). *g*

What bothers me is that I have no place to practise at home - room is too small and people who don't belong in the various budô-saakuru (clubs) at the university aren't allowed to use their practise places. And practising outside in seiza isn't really an option, even less because it's raining half of the time. I'd just want to go through the shoden a few times with no one breathing down my neck for a few times, given that I haven't done it in such a long time. I know it's more important to work on my shizei in tôhô, because it really does look bad, and if I've not learned the shoden well enough in these 5 years of practise, well, in that case I don't really deserve the shodan anyways, but still. It would be nice to get some solo practise...

Once again a double-posting day! This will just be a short note on terms, so please bear with me. Anyways, no one forces you to read this...

Speaking about buddhist monks in english is difficult. In japanese, when in doubt, always call them obôsan (お坊さん) and you will be saved from a lot of trouble. In english the 2 main words used are a) monk and b)priest. Now it might be only me, but the first picture that comes to my mind from "monk" is someone who lives in a temple, dedicated to his religious life, not smoking/drinking/eating meat, and living a celibate life - pretty close to the european medieval monastics but with buddhist rules. Of course I know this not to be true, and when I think of "obôsan", my mental image is much closer to the reality I've witnessed here this far. But the word "monk" still retains some kind of special flavor of "hard-core religiousness" in the deep recesses of my mind. The word "priest", on the other hand, summons a less intense picture of someone whose work is to be a priest but who lives a "normal" life (as opposed to the heroic monks who shine with their magical pow... Oh, sorry. *g*) - a kind of watered-down version of the former.

As you might guess, it's not this easy. First of all, buddhist monks are allowed by law to drink alcohol, eat meat, marry, and basically live as they want. They don't have to go around in robes and shave their heads, unless of course if they want to. The small buddhist temples are actually quite close to family businesses, where the son inherits the temple from his father, enabling the family to keep living on the temple grounds (read "Japanese Temple Buddhism" by Stephen G. Covell if you're interested about this kind of stuff).

The ones that would probably be closest to the common idea of a "monk" would be the shugyôsô, "ascetic monks" living in the bigger temples. They are the ones who spend their days in a monastic community, looking like the part with their robes and shaved heads etc - all the trappings that a monk should have. These can be found mainly from places like Hiei-san, Kôya-san and Eihei-ji, BIG temples where the sects' trainee monks complete their mandatory ascetic practises. The one closest to Tokyo is sôtô's Sôjiji in Tsurumi, near Yokohama. A great place to go monk-spotting around noon when the trainee monks are cleaning the complex...

I usually call all the guys who either have their own temple or work in one as monks, be they married or not. If they shave their heads, even better. Robes and rosaries? Bring it on! Butbutbut... What about people like the owner or the bar we went yesterday? He's taken the precepts, but instead of serving in a temple he owns a buddhist bar. Can't really call him a monk, now can I? Well, of course I can, but it feels somehow strange. This time I opted for the "(buddhist) priest" (even though I have a certain dislike to use "priest" when not talking about christianity), in the future I might change to "monk". Who knows?

So, be warned that even though I might use 2 different terms, the situations and religious rules regulating these peoples lives aren't actually too different. At least keep in mind that buddhist monks aren't what the sects' PR-offices try to make them look like: mountain ascetics engaged in mystical rigorous training, making them glow in the dark with their magica... Right. Well, you get my meaning.

Yes. I have to join the previous line of females taken to TMB, and admit that the young priest in question is way too beautiful for his own good. Some day someone will come and steal him away, and what will we others do then?

I still want to see his "boxing ring face" to be completely won over, though.

The Monk Bar, or as it's real name Bôzu Baa (Bôzu Baa actually DOES mean "the monk bar") is a tiny place in Arakichô, a former geisha quarter in Tokyo. Tiny means here that there's under 15 seats in the place. One is occupied by a blind priest, who gives a buddhist talk once in the evening about a theme given by the customers. Then there's the owner - the pretty one. He's an ex-boxer, who went to Jôdo Shinshû (Nishi) to train as priest, then decided not to go to a temple, but rather do other stuff, like putting up a bar. He was somewhat quieter yesterday than normally, had catched a flu or something, but he's supposed to be THE man you go for if you want to discuss Shinran - now I just need to get my japanese level high enough to be able to actually do it, and not just to dream about it... (the fact that you very easily just fall into watching his pretty face might make the conversation a bit awkward, though. *g*) Conversational japanese is the worst thing there is: you speak well enough to not be believed when you try to protest your japanese is no good, but it still IS bad enough not to be able to discuss anything interesting. Damn.

Still, I might have (not that I'd want to, purely for professional interests, youknowhatImean) to go there again on some occasion, and hopefully with the same company too. It's always fun to go out on a "purely academic" agenda. Unfortunately one of us had catch the trains to return to Yokohama, but after that we still continued for "one last", which then lasted until 2am. This kind of night out is something I've been missing here. What use is drinking if you can't have an interesting conversation during it? As an added bonus I figured out where I want to go for my PhD studies here. :)

Also, as was to be expected, I got many new food experiences - chicken sashimi for example (very good). The winner of the night was small fried and salted shrimps eaten whole. Maybe the best snack I've ever eaten. The only problem that remains is how to find again the places we went to by myself. I might have to come back with others later...

Thank gods tonight is free, me needs rest. And then tomorrow morning, up at 4.30. What a week.

Today I finally did it! :D

Got up at 4.45 am in the morning and dragged my sorry and protesting ego to the morning zazen, that is. And as I was told on my first time, it was very different from the wednesday evening... First of all, there was only 9 of us, instead of the 40+ people who come for the evening zazen. Also, the outside streets were so much more quieter - think about the difference between any city at 6.00 am and 8.00 pm. We actually heard birds singing, and not people on their way from work to izakaya (japanese bars).

I've come to notice that zen temples are way noisier than what I thought. If it's not the giggling office ladies going past the temple when you try to do zazen, it's the old ladies/teenage girls chattering away while you try to meditate on the beauty of a famous zen garden. Makes you think very un-zen and un-enlightened thoughts, mainly about shoving your sutra book down their throat and strangling them with your prayer beads. But I digress...

On a related note to my last post, the morning zazen includes samu: cleaning the temple grounds, scrubbing the toilets etc. Guess who got the toilets? ;) Not that I mind of course, they were almost spotless anyways, and that's supposed to be the "worst" job there is (at least for the japanese), which of course means best for taming your ego. After that there was still cleaning the cemetery and the morning meal. The temple meal was also an interesting experience. I was very grateful for the nice calligraphy teacher lady who helped me through it, how to hold my cups and chopsticks, how to wash my bowl with tea, how to this and how to that. I'm becoming very good at imitating people at only a seconds notice. I also learned how to do the full prostrations that we usually don't do in the evening (too many people). I was expecting to just bow standing and suddenly everyone is on their bellies on the floor... Once again the budo training of being able to go on your knees and raise yourself up quickly came in handy. :)

There wasn't any booze included (it WAS morning, even we don't drink all the time!), but after the meal was cleaned up we still sat for a while drinking tea in a more relaxed atmosphere, and the assisting priest (whose name I still don't know) told about his experiences in winter sesshin. I also explained a bit about my studies - and I once again got the "what, you've been in Japan only since last september?" -line because half of the people there talked with me for the first time today. Maru-san also taught me how to serve tea properly so that if it spills I have the towel in my hand. After some years of budo training I have the "pouring reflex" in me (the one that makes you subconsciously notice how much tea/sake/etc. there is left in your sensei's cup and then pouring more before he thinks of asking it), even though it's not yet as strong as in japanese women. But it's still strong enough that I do get up and start serving tea after a while has passed... When I do it on my own without no one asking, it usually both amuses and impresses the japanese - both because a foreigner who in some ways is very unladylike (at least by the japanese standards which I resist until the end) knows how to behave like a woman should (again by the local standards). Keeps them on their toes, it does...

Anyways, I certainly intend to go again, I feel so good right now. Maybe my haiku inspiration will come too, there's not so much time left anymore... :)

I should really change the category from "Zen and buddhism" to "Adventures in zazenkai". Anyways...

Once again I learned a valuable lesson in the zen afterparty. I've already learned that competitive drinking with old budoka is a bad bad BAD idea. The same seems to apply to old buddhists. Boy can they drink. And never ever touch shôchû, the stuff doesn't suit me at all. I wasn't even that drunk (a bit drunk yes, but still totally able to function and walk back home), but I still had the worst hangover in a long time... I blame everything on the shôchû. :)

It was fun, though. Usually the drinking party lasts until 23-24 in a bigger room, but around midnight people have to start catching the last trains, and the room is cleaned and the dishes washed. Then the discussion (and drinking) continues in a smaller room, and apparently some of the people stay at the temple for the night, leaving only with the first trains in the morning. As I was saying my goodbyes for the night I was invited to sit for a while, and as I wasn't in any particular hurry I decided to stay for a while - which turned out to be until 2.30 in the morning. Well, I did have fun, one of the jûshoku's (Head priest, the good-looking one) younger budo students, who had been practising upstairs afer our zazen, joined us for an hour or so, and there was a lot of teasing, laughter and even some serious conversations. And jûshoku taught me and a half german/half japanese guy wrist locks...

Then a bit about the haiku (so that this blog won't degenerate purely into telling about my drunken escapades in Tokyo). The guy organizing the haikukai had actually gone through the bother of rewriting my poems, so that I'd have a better idea of what they should look like. Very nice of him. :) The comments for the two new ones I showed here too were mostly that they had too many seasonal references in them, as you're supposed to have only one. I never knew that "air-conditioner" counts as a "kigo" (seasonal word), but you learn always something new I guess... He promised to look through my new poems as well. Also, I need to think more about the rhytm of the poem. I actually had to really coax him into commenting by telling him that what use is there for me to try writing if he doesn't tell me how to come better at it... He's so sweet, fearing that he'll hurt my feelings. Nice people, all of them.

The words for next week are: 初カツオ,　初緑 and　初夏, "first katsuo (a kind of fish)", "first leaves (of sakura)" and "beginning of summer", respectively. We'll have to see what I'll come up with this time.

I was also invited by a friend to a tankakai tomorrow (same thing as haikukai but writing tanka, 5-7-5-7-7). They are going through Ki no Tsurayuki's poems, or Kokinshû (first imperial poetic anthology, I think from beginning of 900s), I didn't really catch. But anyways, for someone who has never really understood poetry, I seem to be reading and writing it a lot lately... And it's more fun than what I'd thought. My boyfriend thinks I've completely lost my mind, but well, he's not here to complain, so... :)